David Aghaee

I JUST WANT TO SAY A VERY BIG THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR EVERYONE WHO VISITS DAVID'S
SITE AND LEAVES MESSAGES PICS ETC AND FOR ALL THE LOVELY PICS AND MESSAGES LEFT ON HIS ANGEL
ANNIVERSARY YESTERDAY. ALTHOUGH I DONT LIGHT CANDLES FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S SITE EVERYDAY THEY ARE
ALWAYS IN MY THOUGHTS. XX

David When I found out I was pregnant it was a bit of a shock for me and your dad. I did not know
that I was pregnant. I had been suffering from terrible pains which I thought were the lead up to
my period. I did a pregnancy test and it was positive. I made an appointment at the doctors and
they sent me straightaway for a scan because of the pains was I having. The scan proved to be okay
and they said I was 7/9 weeks pregnant. After telling everyone I was pregnant and them getting
over the shock of it everything seemed to calm down. I went for my 12 week scan and everything was
okay. I had the blood test for spina bifida and downs. I got home on the Good Friday from work and
there was a letter from the hospital saying that I was high risk of you having spina bifida - 1 in
13. I could not ring anyone at the hospital as they had all gone home. I therefore had to wait
until after the Easter break before I could ring anyone. When I spoke with someone at the hospital
they told me not to worry and that everything would be okay but in my heart I knew that it would
not.

It seemed like a long time before we were called back to the hospital for a scan but eventually the
day came. They kept us waiting ages and your dad was pacing up and down. Eventually they called us
through. The doctor told us the scan would last about 10 to 15 minutes and she would tell us the
result when she had finished. I remember looking at the screen and thinking you looked perfect.
When she finished the scan the doctor simply turned to me and said "Susan your baby has spina
bifida and hydrocephalus". David those words will always stay with me. Me and your dad were then
led into a small room were a midwife sat with us whilst the doctor had gone away to discuss the scan
results with another doctor to confirm her diagnosis. The doctor eventually came back and told us
the devastating news. I dont remember a lot because I was just crying, your dad was trying to be
strong. The doctor asked what we wanted to do, did we want to carry on with the pregnancy or have a
termination. David how could I answer that question - anyway your dad said he wanted me to have a
termination he said he would not be able to cope with a disabled child and it would not be fair on
you. They told me I had to make a decision within the next 2 weeks as the further pregnancy went on
they would have to inject you in your heart to make it stop so that you wouldn't be born alive. I
said I wanted to go home and think about matters. I cried all the way home and I cannot remember
when I stopped.

David a decision had to be made but I did not want to make it. How could your dad understand, you
were inside me kicking and growing everyday. Me and your dad went back to the hospital to see a
Consultant to talk about the implications for you. We were told you would never be able to walk,
you would have problems with your bowel and bladder, probably never be able to communicate with us -
the doctor described in likel being at a cocktail party where you just make small talk, the
hydrocepalus would need to be treated straightaway and you would have had to have had a shunt put
into your head to drain the fluid away. The doctor advised that this may only need to be done once
but it may be many times and this could also lead to you getting meningitus . David we went home
and after long discussions came to the conclusion that I would have a termination. I want you to
know David that this does not mean that you meant nothing and you were not wanted because you were
wanted and still mean everything to me. You also had a left sided talipes (club foot) so again you
would have had to have an operation on your foot.

Everybody told me I was making the right decision but how did they know.

I phoned the hospital and told them that I was going to have a termination.They gave me a date to
come to the hospital because I would need to sign papers to consent to the same and also I had to
take some pills to start the process off.Leading up to this I was hoping that your dad would change
his mind and that the hospital would have given us more hope but that never came.There are days
David when I do resent your dad and think if only you had suppored me more but I cannot turn the
clock back and I know it was probably hard for your dad but he does not show his feelings.I also had
to think about your sister and brother Sofia and Taz, they were 5 and 10 at the time.They were so
happy when they knew that I was going to have another baby and very sad when they knew that you had
died.I did not tell them I was having a termination as they were too young to understand what this
meant.

On Thursday 29 April 2004 I went into hospital.

Fatima was the first midwife that helped start labour off but then she went off duty and Sarah and
another midwife who was training helped deliver you. They were very young but so kind.

As soon as you were born they wrapped you up and put you into a cot. You dad cried. This was the
first time that I had seen him show any emotion. David your dad did care but I think he dealt with
things differently from me. Your dad comes from Iran a totally different culture. The midwives
left us alone. Your dad asked if I wanted to see you. Of course I wanted to see you. He brought
him over to me and I held you. David it only seems like yesterday when I held you and I will
treausre the time that I had with you.

We were then taken to a prviate room where we stayed with you overnight. The midwives took you away
for a short time where they wighed and measured you and took some poloroid pictures. You were so
tiny. You weighed 10 ounces and you were 21.5cms long. You looked just like your dad. They tried
to take your hand prints and feet but your hand prints did not turn out but your feet did. They
gave us the photos and the tape measure they had meausred you with. The hospital also gave us a
Birth Certficate. I persauded your dad to go home to get some things for me and also take pictures
to show nanny.

We did not sleep that much that night and I kept looking into the crib thinking you would wake up
and eveything would be okay. Leaving you there the next day was heartbreaking and I wanted to shout
at the midwife please look after my David but she must have read my mind because she said "dont
worry we will look after him".

We had a berevaement midwife called Debbie who helped arrange the funeral. You are buried with all
the other babies in a communual grave. We took Sofia and Taz to you at the funeral home where we
had placed in your coffin some photos of them, a letter I had written to you and a little elephant.
As soon as they saw you they said "he is so lovely". I am glad I brought them to see you as your
dad thought it was a bad idea.

The funeral was very hard seeing your little white coffin and it is a memory that will stay with me
forever. Taz brought two of his cars to the funeral and when your coffin was lowered into the
ground he threw them on top so that you would have something to play with in heaven. As we left you
there your dad stayed behind and said something to you so I do know that he loves you but he has a
different way of expressing his feelings.

Six to eight weeks after you passed David I found i was pregnant again. I have since given birth to
your baby sister Olivia. When she is old enough I will tell her all about you and show her the
things that I have for you in your memory box. I know that you are heaven with both your grandads
and they will be looking after you.

You are and always will be in my heart forever and I hope you can forgive me one day.

My little man I miss you so much.

Love always

Mommy
XXXXX

I KNOW THAT SOME PEOPLE WILL NOT AGREE WITH WHAT I DID AND TO ANYONE WHO HAS A CHILD WITH SPINA
BIFIDA OR ANY DISABILITY I HOPE I HAVE NOT CAUSED OFFENCE. A LIFE IS VERY SPECIAL BUT AT THE TIME
WHEN I WAS PREGNANT WITH DAVID THINGS WERE HAPPENING SO FAST I DO FEEL THAT I WAS NOT TOTALLY IN
CONTROL.